This conversation applies to every aspect of life, but let’s focus on our work-life in this post—specifically, the decision to leave a job, career, or an organization.
The emotional process of leaving can be agonizing.
If you’ve ever experienced a job or career change by choice, you know the process began when you considered the possibility of the change. Months, weeks, or even years before you left, the decision process began.
I’ve been through this process four or five times in my life. Each time was somewhat unique, but there was one common emotion every single time.
I suspect if you have ever made a job or career change by choice, you experienced this common emotion throughout the decision process, too.
FEAR
Change is scary. It’s perilous to do it, but it is equally frightening to consider it.
Future unknowns create our fear. If you’ve ever experienced the change decisions process, it was all the swirling unknowns that produced the fear. If you find yourself pondering a change, no doubt the number of unknowns is the problem. After all, removing the unknowns would remove the fear.
Of course, the future is always uncertain. Since we love and seek certainty, it can be all too easy to remain where we are (even if we dream of leaving) to linger in the space of certainty, even in misery.
Fear is the issue. Fear is what keeps us from trying new things. Fear is what keeps us tied to old things. Fear is a powerful emotion. Perhaps the most powerful. Fear causes us to miss out on the best parts of life. Too many times, I’ve allowed fear to keep me from what could have been.
Living without fear is fool’s gold, though. It’s not possible. Fear is part of the human condition because uncertainty is part of life.
Removing fear is not a reasonable solution, which leads us to a critical question.
Question: If we can’t remove our fear, how can we move forward? I mean, are we to remain stuck forever?
Choosing What to Fear
I realized something critical when processing my role and future as the lead pastor of Woodstock City Church: I was afraid to leave. I’d dedicated nearly 13 years of my life to this church and this community. I was relatively comfortable in the job, too. I loved my coworkers. I loved working for and with Andy Stanley and Lane Jones. It was a church dream job in many ways.
Trust me, plenty of people have questioned my leaving.
With all of the above being true, I felt a churning inside for a new challenge. I tried to ignore the thought, but eventually, the need to leave was more substantial than the comfort of staying.
But I was still afraid.
Afraid to leave what I knew how to do. Fearful of what others would think. Scared of the response from those I loved and who loved me. Frightened because I’d grown accustomed to eating and living indoors. I’ll save you the entire list because you know the list. You’ve processed the list, too.
Then one day, while on a walk with my wife, I stopped in my tracks on the sidewalk outside my neighborhood. The combined fear of leaving and the desire to leave were crushing my soul. I felt stuck between the two realities. I knew it was time to go, but I was too afraid to go. I was trying to remove the fear, but without the ability to remove the unknowns, the fear felt here to stay.
Then I realized there was a solution. A better way forward. Removing the fear wasn’t the goal. Deciding what to fear was the goal.
I realized on that neighborhood sidewalk that I had to choose what to fear, not how to remove the fear.
The Change Choice We All Must Make
At some point in every life journey, we will need to change. Your life will demand a relational change, a job change, a career change, or a life change. The specific change doesn’t matter because each version will present a choice of fear.
When facing a pending change, we must choose whether to fear TAKING A RISK or LIVING WITH REGRET.
That’s the choice—fear of the risk or fear of regret.
The fear of taking a risk is significant. In no way would I ever counsel a leader to make a change without time to process, but at some point, the analysis is complete, and a decision is required.
Leading us all to an essential question: Are you more afraid of risk or regret?
That was the question that illuminated my direction.
When I processed through my fear, I realized it wasn’t going away. Rather than remove it, I decided to direct it. Over this next season of my life, was I going to be afraid of risk or afraid to live with regret?
Where are You Directing Your Fear?
Or are you allowing your fear to direct you?
When it comes to a potential change, you get to choose what to fear: risk or regret.
By default, you’ll fear the risk. Our brains are wired to avoid uncertainty, and taking a chance (especially with a job or career) is full of potential uncertainty. If left to our devices, most of us will choose to fear risk and remain put (or should we say “stuck”). “At least we have some element of certainty,” we’ll internally proclaim.
Allowing the drive for certainty to dominate our future might leave our future void of what it could become.
At some point, you’ll look back. At some point, this major change decision will be reduced to a sentence or two in your life story.
What story do you want to tell? “I was too afraid of the uncertainty to take the risk,” or “I was too afraid of living with regret not to take the risk.”
Choosing To Fear Regret
Most of you know that I did change jobs six months ago. It was an agonizing decision at the beginning of the process. Along the way, the agony dramatically shifted as I decided to divert my fear away from the risk and toward regret. Choosing to fear regret over the uncertainty of risk freed my heart to move towards a preferable future. It was impossible to rid my emotions of fear. I could direct my fear. That made all the difference.
More, I realized that if this new career doesn’t work out, at least I won’t regret trying. I won’t live wondering what might have been. And yes, my new career is a risk. I don’t know how it will turn out in a year or two. I do know that I would instead try and live without regret than not try due to fear of risk.
The point is simply this: We get to direct our fear.
As I meet leaders and consult with organizations worldwide, I consistently bump into people who are ready for a change. As we talk, inevitably, the reality of fear surfaces. Without exaggeration, 90 percent of people unintentionally allow future unknowns to direct their fear. They desperately try to remove their fear by mitigating the uncertainty (and, therefore, the risk).
And they are stuck.
And they will remain stuck.
The uncertainty isn’t going away. Therefore the fear isn’t going away. These people must decide what they are most afraid of: Risk or regret.
Those are the choices.
What about you?
Fearing risk more than regret removes your options and keeps you stuck. If you feel stuck, you’re probably, and unintentionally, pointing your fear in the wrong direction. If you wish you could make a move but can’t move forward, you’re allowing the fear of risk to dominate your potential. My encouragement is to stop letting your life choose what you’ll fear. Make a conscious decision to fear living with regret.
Why? Fearing regret over risk positions you to explore options, move forward, and discover what could be. Worse case, you’ll never wonder what could have been. Best case, you’ll move towards the future you want and create a story worth telling.
How can I help?
Think of me as your CSO (Chief Strategy Officer). Partnering with ministry and marketplace leaders from innovation through implementation is why I created Transformation Solutions. I’m dedicating my time to helping leaders like you discover potential problems, design strategic solutions, and deliver the preferable future. That includes you.
Go right now to mytransformationsolutions.com and sign up for a free, 15-minute conversation to decide if working together works for you.
