The Problem with Modern Masculinity

Flip on almost any sitcom and you’ll see it. The dad is a punchline. The husbands are clueless. The leaders are weak, self-absorbed, or absent. The men are well-meaning but bumbling, shallow, or cowardly. The women hold the families together while the men… try not to break everything.

It’s not just sitcoms. Watch commercials, read novels, scroll social feeds. Men are portrayed as one of three things:

• Dangerous predators
• Emotionally fragile shells
• Complete morons

The strong, steady, competent man is almost nowhere to be found.

And this caricature has infiltrated some churches.

Somehow, strength and leadership in men became synonymous with toxic masculinity. Courage, conviction, and clarity were rebranded as liabilities. If a man is firm in leadership, he’s labeled controlling. If he’s decisive, he’s domineering. If he’s bold, he must be prideful.

So churches often over-correct. We elevate timidity, passivity, and “niceness” as the safe, spiritual alternative.

But here’s the pressure pastors must recognize: a passive, feminized man is no less toxic. In fact, passivity might be more destructive—because it abdicates responsibility and leaves families, churches, and communities without the steady leadership God designed men to provide.

How We Got Here

It wasn’t always like this. For centuries, society held up the strong, principled man as an ideal. He wasn’t perfect, but he was expected to protect, to provide, to lead.

Cultural backlash against abuse and chauvinism rightly called out harmful versions of manhood. But in the process, we confused:

• Abuse with authority
• Strength with selfishness
• Leadership with oppression

Instead of offering a better way, the church has too often gone silent—or worse, joined the chorus. We told men to sit down instead of stand up. To blend in instead of lead out. In fear of producing toxic masculinity, we produced timid masculinity. And timid masculinity leaves a vacuum that someone—or something—will fill.

The Christ-Shaped Solution

The church can—and must—lead the way in redefining masculinity. Not by culture’s extremes but by Christ’s example.

Think about Jesus. We tend to picture “Gospel Jesus”—teaching on hillsides, hugging children, forgiving sinners. And yes, He is gentle, loving, and full of grace. But that’s only half the picture.

There’s also Revelation Jesus—the King of Kings, sword in hand, eyes like fire, commanding armies of heaven, marked with strength and authority. This isn’t a soft caricature of a long-haired therapist wandering the countryside. This is the conquering Christ.

Biblical masculinity is not one-dimensional. Christlikeness fuses compassion with courage, tenderness with toughness. Strong men aren’t toxic; they’re necessary. They are protectors, providers, and disciple-makers. They love boldly and lead sacrificially. They step up when others step back.

If men are to be conformed to the image of Christ, then they must reflect both the Lamb and the Lion. Both grace and grit. Both servant and leader.

What This Means for the Church

So, how do we reclaim and elevate this vision of manhood?

1. Model the full spectrum of Christlikeness.
   Pastors set the tone. If your sermons only highlight the gentle side of Jesus, your men will assume strength has no place in faith. Preach and live the Jesus who is both Shepherd and Warrior.

2. Call men into responsibility, not comfort.
   Men don’t need another soft, sit-around Bible study. They need challenge. Challenge to lead their homes. Challenge to serve their churches. Challenge to fight for their communities—with humility and grit.

3. Celebrate strong leadership as godly.
   Abuse must be called out. But so must abdication. Highlight the men who lead with conviction, character, and courage. Celebrate them as examples.

4. Equip men for both toughness and tenderness.
   A man who only knows how to fight is incomplete. So is a man who only knows how to hug. Equip men to be both.

5. Reject the false dichotomy of masculinity.
   The choice isn’t between “toxic” and “timid.” The choice is between cultural caricatures and Christlike character.

Why It Matters

If the church fails to redefine masculinity biblically, culture will keep doing it for us. And the results won’t be pretty.

• Passive men produce broken families.
• Absent leaders produce wandering churches.
• Weak husbands produce weary wives.
• Confused fathers produce conflicted children.

But when the church calls men into Christ-shaped strength, homes flourish. Churches multiply. Communities thrive.

Our world doesn’t need fewer strong men. It needs more Christlike men.
Men who lead with courage.
Men who love with compassion.
Men who protect with strength.
Men who serve with humility.

The sitcoms can keep their punchlines. We’ll take the men patterned after Jesus—the Lamb and the Lion, the Shepherd and the Warrior, the One who loves sacrificially and leads fearlessly.

Action Step for Pastors

Take a hard look at how your church talks about men. Do your sermons, small groups, and ministry environments challenge men to lead? Or have you softened the edges so much that strength feels suspicious?

Choose one way this month to elevate Christ-shaped masculinity in your church—whether it’s highlighting a man who leads faithfully, preaching a broader picture of Jesus, or calling men to take up greater responsibility.

Quotes to Share

• “A passive man is no less toxic than a prideful one.”
• “Christlikeness fuses compassion with courage, tenderness with toughness.”
• “The church doesn’t need softer men—it needs stronger, Christlike ones.”

Say Goodbye to the Pressure,
Dr. Gavin Adams