“Every new beginning comes from some other beginnings end.” — Semisonic, from Closing Time.
I love this song. When it comes on the radio (or I choose it from my “Awesome Songs” playlist), I sing out every word.
My favorite line in the song is: “You don’t have to go home, but you can’t stay here.” True. So very true, Semisonic.
The song’s most philosophical and painfully true line is: “Every new beginning comes from some other beginnings end.”
Let’s talk about beginnings and endings for a minute.
Most of us love new beginnings. Very few of us enjoy endings. And therein lies our dilemma. The reason is simple (and quoted by Semisonic). Most beginnings create some version of endings. We often can’t start something new without ending something old.
- Getting married is a new beginning that ends your singleness.
- A new job ends an old one.
- Having a baby ends life as you knew it.
Many new beginnings are exciting. We choose them with great intentionality.
What’s curious is why we choose some beginnings and resist others.
Here’s what I see all the time: We tend to select the beginnings that bring easier endings. To say it another way, we tend to choose new beginnings that don’t come with complicated conclusions.
Even when beginning something new is necessary, we often avoid the new beginning if it helps us avoid an ending.
This reality is true in our personal life and our organizational leadership life.
Let’s consider this as a leader. While many of us can envision something we’d like to begin, most never will begin it because of the required ending the beginning will create.
Some church leadership examples may be in order:
- You want to transition to small groups ministry, but that means ending the current Sunday School model.
- You want to create a new staff structure, but you realize that will require ending the current design.
- You want to become a fully hybrid church (integrated digital and physical offerings), but that will end your current approach.
- You want to begin a new location, but that will end the current single-site organizational strategy.
You get it. We don’t like endings even when it allows for a beautiful new beginning.
As a leader, we must master the art of ending things well to begin something anew. Here are six strategies to help us end well. Also, I’m ending my current job and starting a new career, so I’ll add a little commentary on how I’m trying to live this out personally.
Six secrets to END WELL so we can START STRONG:
1. Focus on the ending before you launch a beginning.
Beginnings are exciting, but when we fixate too much on the new without proper focus on the old, we can’t end well. Ending well is the best way to begin something new. When we don’t end well, we struggle to start strong.
Our temptation is to get started on what’s ahead, but good leaders know that endings need our undivided attention.
PERSONALLY: I’m going through this right now. My last Sunday leading Woodstock City Church is August 1. In five weeks, I’ll lead and preach for the last time as the lead pastor. I’m excited about the next journey in my career — coaching pastors and leaders through the process of change and transformation. Yet, as excited as I am about what’s next, my focus must remain on what’s now. I’ll focus on Transformation Solutions on August 2. For now, ending well at Woodstock City is my focus.
2. Acknowledge who is losing what.
Every ending brings loss. In most cases, endings bestow multiple losses. When something ends, something changes. Go back to the church examples. Ending Sunday School means losing an old discipleship method. Sure, you may replace it with something you believe to be better, but that doesn’t replace the ending or the associated loss. Changing your staff structure means ending the current design, and that means people may lose direct reports, felt status, or a position. As leaders, we need to consider what is being lost and who will feel each loss.
PERSONAL: As I change jobs, I am losing a lot. I’m at peace with it (or I will be over time), but it’s still a loss. I’m losing the direct feelings of life change. I’m losing a team years in the making. I am personally losing status in our community. There may be some pride or sin embedded in that loss, but it’s still a loss. I’m losing my master key to a beautiful building. And my family is losing, too. They are losing “my dad is in charge here.” Access to the front of summer camp check-in lines. Mostly, they are losing seeing their dad in the only job they can remember I’ve had. That’s a loss. And every loss matters.
3. Create space for grief.
Every loss is a death, and every death must be grieved lest it create grief for us later. If we don’t grieve a loss, we bury it alive, allowing it to haunt our future. Patiently and intentionally grieving a loss buries it dead, allowing it to rest in peace (and leave you at peace). Before we begin something new, we need to grieve what is lost in the old. And that takes some intentional time.
PERSONAL: With my job change, I need to grieve the loss of serving for nearly 13 years as the lead pastor of Woodstock City Church. Grieving this loss doesn’t reduce the excitement of my new adventure. In fact, it ensures I can be excited when the new adventure begins. Without grieving the loss, the ghosts of ungrieved endings will haunt my new beginning. So I’m taking time to reflect and feel the loss. That’s not necessarily fun, but it’s much better than what I’d feel for decades to come by ignoring the loss and burying it alive.
4. Embed the mission and vision in the new beginning.
During the ending experience, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed by the stress of ending. A mission and vision drive the new beginning you’re hoping to create. Keep that front and center so the emotions of ending don’t unnecessarily derail your new beginning.
PERSONAL: I’m changing jobs because I feel led to help coach and support thousands of pastors and churches in the coming years. I believe that is a mission worth pursuing, but if that mission doesn’t stay top of mind, I could end up giving up before I even begin. Ending is stressful, but this new mission is helping me process why I am choosing the stress of an ending. As the emotions accumulate, I’ll need to remember why I’m making this change. That why (mission and vision) will be important to push me through the ending.
5. Accept that life will be uncomfortable for a while.
Endings and beginnings move us away from comfort.
It’s crazy, really. Even when we know something needs to change, we often resist beginning something new because we don’t want to experience the pain and discomfort of ending something old. Endings are always uncomfortable because new beginnings aren’t always clear. A lack of clarity is a breeding ground for uncertainty and discomfort.
To move forward with any beginning, we must allow ourselves to become uncomfortable during the ending. We must get out of the La-Z-boy recliner and live in the discomfort for a while, trusting that a new comfort will be found after the conclusion is complete and the new beginning is afoot.
PERSONAL: Wow. My ending is uncomfortable. Our community has only known me as the pastor of this church. I have known myself as a the pastor of our church for nearly 13 years. We moved to this community for this job, so leaving this job is uncomfortable for me, my family, and our church community. Remaining in this role would be very comfortable. Perhaps too comfortable.
I like having a paycheck every two weeks. I like the routine of work. I don’t know what my new job will bring. There isn’t clarity or certainty, and that’s uncomfortable. Risk is uncomfortable. An unwillingness to accept the discomfort of this transition would force me back into the La-Z-boy. I’d stay in my job, remain comfortable, and potentially miss out on what God is leading me to do next.
6. Celebrate what was before beginning what’s to come.
In all the excitement of a beginning, it’s easy to put the past in the past. But, it’s essential to pause and celebrate during an ending. Celebrating all that has happened is a perfect ending to a chapter of life. Reflection and introspection aren’t always natural, but it helps us process where we’ve been, how to end, and what’s to begin.
PERSONAL: I’m not a natural celebrator. When things go well, I pause for a few seconds, and then I’m off to what’s next. That’s not healthy behavior in everyday leadership life, and it’s incredibly counterproductive during significant transitions.
To this point, I am forcing myself to celebrate the past 12+ years. I’m allowing my team to celebrate me and celebrate with me. I’m reading every email and text coming in from our church community thanking me for my willingness to serve. I’m listening to every compliment and pondering all that God has done during my tenure. Celebration is a bow on top of the ending. It’s important.
Concluding Thoughts…
Every leader I know wants to change something. Perhaps it is personal. Maybe it’s organizational. Either way, change always introduces something new and ends something old. When we don’t end well, we struggle to start strong.
In a way, I guess everything ends at some point. We can choose to end it, or it can end you.
So, what do you need to start? And, just as importantly, what will end when you do? Don’t allow the complexity of an ending to deter you from starting. There’s too much at stake for us to avoid change.
How can I help?
Coaching ministry and marketplace leaders through change, transition, and transformation is why I created Transformation Solutions. Go right now to mytransformationsolutions.com and sign up for a free, 30-minute conversation to decide if working together works for you.
