Why Leadership Isn’t About Being “Cool”
In a world where leaders are often seen as needing to be polished, confident, and, let’s face it, “cool,” the reality is that true connection comes from something far more impactful—warmth. Leaders who prioritize image over approachability may seem to have it all together, but they often lack the key trait that makes a difference for their teams: empathy.
Kelly Mosser hit the nail on the head in a recent TikTok when she said she’s never felt “cool,” but rather embraced being “warm.” Her reflection struck me as a core lesson in leadership: while coolness might seem appealing, warmth is what truly wins hearts and builds successful teams. Here’s why.
The Trap of Trying to Be “Cool” as a Leader
Early in my leadership career, I thought being liked meant being “cool.” I assumed that projecting a calm, put-together, and confident image would naturally lead people to follow me. It was the Fonzy Effect (for those of you who remember Happy Days). Coolness seemed like the path to leadership success.
But after years of trying, I realized being cool didn’t help me connect with my team or earn their trust. Instead, I found myself more focused on my image than on genuinely supporting and empowering those around me.
The Cost of “Cool” Leadership
What Happens When Leaders Aim for Coolness
Leaders who strive to be “cool” end up distant, preoccupied with their appearance, and less approachable. The result? Their teams feel like they can’t offer feedback or share new ideas, for fear of breaking through the leader’s polished facade. In a cool leader’s world, mistakes are rarely admitted, and vulnerability is considered a weakness.
Cool leadership might garner respect from a distance, but it never builds the depth of trust required for genuine collaboration and high performance.
Why Warm Leadership Always Wins
Warm Leaders Build Trust
Warmth in leadership is about more than just being nice. It’s about creating a sense of safety where your team feels comfortable being themselves, taking risks, and trusting you enough to be vulnerable. Here’s what warmth looks like in action:
- Vulnerability: Admitting your mistakes and acknowledging when you don’t have all the answers.
- Empathy: Understanding your team’s challenges and supporting them through difficulties.
- Encouragement: Celebrating both the small and big wins to foster team morale.
- Connection: Building authentic relationships that lead to deeper trust and collaboration.
Warm leaders create an environment where people feel valued, safe, and inspired to contribute their best work.
The Positive Impact on Your Team
How Warm Leaders Inspire Their Teams
When leaders embrace warmth, they positively affect team dynamics. Team members are more likely to speak up, offer ideas, and feel supported in taking risks. This leads to better collaboration, innovation, and performance. And most importantly, it helps foster a sense of belonging and value within the team.
Warm leadership turns “followers” into contributors, resulting in stronger engagement and long-term success.
The Bottom Line: Be Warm, Not Cool
If you’ve ever felt like you needed to be the “cool” leader to command respect, I challenge you to shift your perspective. Your team doesn’t need someone distant or polished beyond approach. They need someone who is present, empathetic, and open to connection.
Choose warmth. Your team will thank you, and your leadership will be all the stronger for it.
Call to Action:
Are you ready to lead with warmth and make a real impact? Dive deeper into leadership insights, and let’s work together on transforming your leadership style. Visit gavinadams.com for more resources and coaching opportunities.
Quotes for Inspiration:
- “Leaders who refuse to be vulnerable create distance between themselves and their teams.”
- “Warm leadership builds trust. Trust builds high-performing teams.”
Resources for Further Learning:
- Dare to Lead by Brené Brown – A deep dive into vulnerability and connection in leadership.
- Leaders Eat Last by Simon Sinek – How empathy drives leadership success.
- The Pygmalion Effect in Management – Understanding how expectations shape performance.
One More Thing…
If you found this helpful, please pass it along to other leaders (and encourage them to subscribe!). I work hard to help leaders replace their positional authority with relational influence. Let me know if you are interested in a conversation.
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