Leadership isn’t just about a title or the power to direct—it’s about influencing others in a way that inspires real growth and transformation.
While people might follow instructions out of respect for your position, they’re far more likely to embrace and embody your vision when they feel your influence. Influence goes beyond compliance. Influence is earned loyalty and trust stemming from empathy, transparency, and a willingness to meet people where they are.
Relying on Positional Authority is SO MUCH EASIER!
In the rush to get things done, leaders often fall into the trap of giving directions rather than asking questions. Directing can achieve results in the short term, but it rarely fosters the kind of ownership and independent thinking that sustain long-term success.
When leaders constantly instruct, team members may depend on direction, waiting for the next order rather than growing in their problem-solving ability. However, by asking thoughtful questions, leaders can engage people in a way that encourages them to take responsibility for their growth. This shift from directing to guiding opens new possibilities for personal development, self-reflection, and collaborative problem-solving.
One Powerful Question: “What Would You Do If You Were Me?”
A powerful question to ask in these moments is, “What would you do if you were me?”
This question shifts the dynamic and opens the conversation, inviting team members to step into your shoes. It also encourages them to see the situation from a different vantage point and approach challenges with the kind of perspective necessary to develop as leaders themselves.
Start Using These Questions to Grow Leadership and Gain Influence
Here are several additional questions that can help guide tough conversations, giving people a chance to reflect, broaden their perspectives, and, ultimately, direct themselves.
1. “What do you hope will come from this conversation?”
Every conversation has an underlying purpose. By asking this, you’re inviting the other person to clarify their intentions. Are they seeking advice, understanding, or simply a space to voice concerns? This question promotes transparency and helps you understand how to meet their needs best while keeping the interaction focused and respectful.
2. “What do you think might be happening here beyond what’s obvious?”
This question encourages looking at the situation from multiple angles and recognizing that complex issues often have layers. By stepping back to see what else might influence the situation, you and the other person can approach the problem with greater insight. It’s an invitation to explore potential motivations, obstacles, or underlying dynamics that may not be immediately apparent.
3. “Have you considered how this might affect others involved?”
Conflict and frustration often narrow our focus. This question broadens the perspective and encourages empathy by prompting the other person to think about how others might feel or be impacted. Whether it’s a team decision or a workplace issue, this reminder to think collectively rather than individually can open the conversation to solutions that benefit everyone.
4. “What are you willing to do to help address this?”
Great leaders encourage action and accountability. If someone is deeply passionate about an issue, are they also willing to take steps toward a solution? This question moves them from merely presenting a problem to becoming active in the solution, fostering a culture of responsibility and collaboration.
5. “How can I support you as we work through this?”
Offering support shows you’re committed to finding a way forward together. This question conveys that, as a leader, you’re there to help facilitate positive change and to lend a hand wherever necessary. Showing that you’re invested in both the person and the process builds trust and brings humility and partnership to the conversation.
Let’s Start Asking More Questions
When used alongside “What would you do if you were me?”, these questions form a framework for leading with curiosity and respect. In a world where instructions are often given, asking questions empowers others to take charge of their growth. This leadership approach builds trust, encourages self-direction, and transforms compliance into genuine influence.
By guiding others to find answers within themselves, you’re addressing immediate challenges and building the next generation of leaders.
Call to Action:
To cultivate influence that lasts, start asking more questions. Let your team see you as a partner in their growth.
Quotes for Inspiration:
- “Leadership is not about being in charge. It’s about taking care of those in your charge.” — Simon Sinek
- “The quality of a leader is reflected in the standards they set for themselves.” — Ray Kroc
Resources for Further Learning:
- The Coaching Habit by Michael Bungay Stanier
- Leaders Eat Last by Simon Sinek
- Drive: The Surprising Truth About What Motivates Us by Daniel Pink
- 10 Ways to Kill Your Team
- You Should Be In More Meetings
One More Thing…
If you found this helpful, please pass it along to other leaders (and encourage them to subscribe!).
If you’re ready to accelerate your leadership, I’d be honored to help. Visit gavinadams.com to explore my systemic approach to leadership development and schedule a 30-minute conversation.
If you’re a church leader, visit the Church Accelerator Community.
Leading With You,
Gavin Adams
